An excerpt from Adam Robe (creator of the Robbie the Rabbit series):
My first night in foster care was very difficult for me. Although I was with my sister, I still had no idea what was happening to me. My foster parents tried to help me feel more comfortable, but I was in a state of shock.
As the days went by and I knew my mother wasn't coming back for me, I felt pure dread. I didn't know it at the time, but I was becoming depressed and withdrawn. Because I didn't have the words for what was happening to me, it wouldn't be until much later in my life that I would fully understand that I was going through the stages of grief and loss.
Within 24 hours, I had lost my mother and brother, friends, neighborhood and way of life. I felt powerless and afraid. I hid my fear and pain by putting an invisible barrier around me.
I found that people treated me differently when I was in foster care. My peers at my school were leery of me and it was difficult for me to make friends. I saw kids come and go in my foster home, and I knew that I needed to behave a certain way or I would be moved too. I pushed my own "self" away and became someone else in order to protect myself. Relationships became superficial and short-lived. I walked around not having a clear understanding of who I was and what life held in store for me.
After I was adopted, I kept myself protected from my adopted parents and extended family. And even now, after all my years of social work training, and self-reflecting, I am still opening doors in myself that were closed long ago. In fact, several months ago, I finally grieved for the small Adam that I left behind years ago.
By sharing my journey with you, I can only hope that it will help you understand what a child in foster care may be going through. There are so many factors that contribute to the long-term success of a child who has experienced foster care, but I hope that you keep a few things in mind:
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. When children come into foster care, they have experienced a traumatic event.
. Children will be going through the stages of grief and loss, although these stages may not be identified as such. A therapist may treat the symptoms a child displays without recognizing the issue for what it really is. Medication may dull a child's senses and make him feel better, but the underlying issues will not be dealt with.
. Children in this situation feel powerless and will find ways to find control, whether they demonstrate this by misbehaving, shutting down or through some other behavior. Food is often a huge control issue.
. A child's self-esteem and identity are affected.
. Adoption doesn't make all of the above go away.
It's important for me to point out that I'm not drawing the above conclusions simply as a result of my own experiences. Instead, these are conclusions that I've reached after working (as a trained professional) with children in the system for more than a dozen years.
-Adam Robe, MSW
www.robbietherabbit.com
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